Folks, we have reached the peak of human engineering. Lightbulbs? Who cares. Cell phones? Big trash. Space shuttles? Old news. Big Macs? Okay, still unbelievable. The real technological marvel of our day, though, is this collaboration between Axe and Xbox.
I know what you’re thinking. “FINALLY. Body care products engineered specifically for gamers.” How do I know this? Because my mind is in the same place. Until today, I simply have not been convinced that any run-of-the-mill body washes could have any impact on my gaming performance, but today I stand corrected. Axe and Xbox have come together to produce what I can only assume is just G-Fuel in aerosol form.
GameSpot has reported that Xbox’s body care line will feature notes of “kaffir lime and winter lemon, aromatic herbal middle notes of mint and sage, and woody bottom notes of patchouli and clearwood.”, but we all know that’s clearly a gaffe. Axe knows gamers, and I am absolutely certain that after a single shower with these new beauties, I’ll be rolling up to the club smelling like two-day old Italian subs and fingernail Dorito dust.
About to start pulling up to work smelling like a toxic cod4 lobby pic.twitter.com/OTIcmaBgK3
— Jimmy Ortiz (@JimmySometimes) June 5, 2019
If we’re keeping it a band here, you know I’ve always been an advocate for showering/washing oneself thoroughly. Shit, just check out my PAX Survival Guide if you need further evidence. Truthfully, I really do hope this stuff smells great, because God knows it’ll sell like hotcakes. Am I buying this shit? Absolutely. Is my fiancee gonna hate it? Most likely. Am I going to be too busy maximizing my gaming performance thanks to every pore in my body being lathered as fuck with this stuff? You bet your ass.
Xbox and Axe’s deodorant and shower gel pack is coming first in certain test markets this July, and will be exclusive to Australia and New Zealand. Until then, we can only hope GameStop does a midnight release for these bad boys when they drop in the States.
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