Mad Bells 3/25: How Not To Lose Your Shirt Immediately On The Stalk Market

Folks, we know the world’s going crazy. If you’ve got a real-life stock portfolio, it’s probably in the shitter at this point because of Coronavirus – but we’re here to help make sure the same thing doesn’t happen to you on your deserted island in Animal Crossing: New Horizons.

That’s right, myself and Chris P. – WGG’s expert Stalk Market analysts – bring you “Mad Bells”, our new weekly column where we help you grow your investments while paying off any loan sharks (or raccoons) that may be lurking in the shadows.

The Basics

For those new to the Animal Crossing series, or for those who are just new to the Stalk Market, here’s how it works. The Stalk Market is AC’s in-game stock trade, except instead of equity in companies, you’re buying turnips.

An adorable little boar named Daisy Mae will visit your island every Sunday morning until noon, and you can purchase Turnips from her at a set price. These Turnips aren’t for eating or planting though, they’re for investing. The object here is the buy Turnips on Sundays, and then check in with Timmy and Tommy at your island shop every day during the week to see what they’re valued at. If you see a price you like, sell ’em and turn a profit. However, if you wait too long – your Turnips can spoil or you could be stuck taking a loss.

Depending on how many Bells you’ve got on hand, you can buy as many Turnips as you want. These Turnips DO spoil though, so you better be ready to commit to selling them for whatever they’re worth by the following Saturday night, else they’ll be rotten and worthless by the next time Daisy Mae comes to town on Sunday morning. Turnips are sold in stacks of ten as well, so get ready to commit some capital to your investments if you decide to dip your toes into the Stalk Market. You also can’t store turnips in your home’s storage, but you can place them inside your home. I have a big table in my house dedicated to Turnips.

With a little luck, some shrewd investing, and some dedicated effort – you can make some serious Bells by playing the Stalk Market, and that crook Tom Nook won’t know what hit him. Everything make sense? Great. Let’s take a look into week one for us and see how the Stalk Market panned out.

Week 1 Stalk Market Recap

Dom – Rangoon Island

Week one in the Stalk Market is always pretty tough. It’s too early to tell what the market patterns are going to be, it’s too early to commit that much money to your investments (since Daisy makes her first appearance only two days after the game’s release), and you might be too preoccupied with getting your island situated to consistently check on Turnip prices.

I bought in at two stacks of Turnips for 110 bells apiece. As it currently stands, Timmy and Tommy (those runts) are telling me they’re worth 124 right now. That’s a slim profit, so I’m considering holding for at least another day – and if we see another increase tomorrow, I’m offloading what I got. My official recommendation is to HOLD if you’re seeing a similar pattern.

Aside from the Stalk Market – Money Trees have been a big help. These are shorter-term investments, but if you see a glowing spot on the ground, dig it up and you’ll find 1,000 Bells inside. You can plant up to 10,000 Bells back in there, and in a few days you’ll have a Money Tree that will yield 3x your investment. Let me tell you folks, collecting 30,000 Bells off the tree outside my house this morning was better than sex, Christmas, and cookie skillets all at once.

All in all, I’m holding out a few more days. Will I lose my shirt? Maybe. But such is the Stalk Market. How’d you do Chris?

Chris – Pen Island

I bought two stacks at 110 bells as well and nothing went right. I got bored one night and I time traveled. I just needed the campsite built. I needed the sweet sound of K.K Slider ripping up Pen Island. Sue me. I spent too much time trying to cheat the system, that Animal Crossing fucked me out of my first investment. I looked at my turnips yesterday, and what do you know? They’re rotted. I deserve it. I thought I was smarter than the Stalk Market, but apparently it was prepared for this.

But in my depression I decided to take it out on the ocean with hours of fishing. Just seeing my fat face filled with disappointment when the screen turned black. I ended up catching a Coelacanth and a Sturgeon. So I really profited 25k because of the Stalk Market if we want to get technical.

I will learn from my mistakes. I will bounce back with an even bigger investment next week to make up for my loss.

Stalk Market: 1, Chris: 0

In Closing

What’d we learn today, folks? You can’t outsmart the Stalk Market. Don’t time travel (you cheater), and be patient with your investments. Again, it’s way too early to try and glean any patterns since we just opened up shop last week, but this guide was written for the Stalk Market in Animal Crossing: New Leaf, and might be helpful to try and predict things moving forward.

Have any big losses or huge wins this week in the Stalk Market? Let us know on Twitter at @WickedGoodGames.

Papa Dom

Co-Founder at Wicked Good Gaming
Dom Mahoney is Wicked Good Gaming's resident graphic designer, degenerate journalist, and co-host/super producer of Not Another Gaming Podcast. When not talking about games on the internet, you can find him yelling about New England sports, exploring breweries, and perfecting his chicken wing recipes.

Papa Dom

Dom Mahoney is Wicked Good Gaming's resident graphic designer, degenerate journalist, and co-host/super producer of Not Another Gaming Podcast. When not talking about games on the internet, you can find him yelling about New England sports, exploring breweries, and perfecting his chicken wing recipes.

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