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No, You Really Don’t Need This $160 Xbox One Controller

Posted on Posted in Uncategorized

Xbox controllers are beautiful, magnificent, near-flawlessly designed pieces of technology… But as any Xbox consumer knows, they ain’t cheap.

Your standard Xbox One controller will set you back $60, a custom one from Xbox Design Lab (while pretty dope) will run you $80, and Microsoft’s own “most advanced controller in the world” – The Xbox One Elite Controller – is gonna cost you $150. Now – in my opinion – if you take your gaming seriously enough that you feel like you need a $150 controller, then you probably already have a sponsor who’s paying for one. But if you don’t feel like you’ve spent enough of your hard-earned cash on gaudy gaming accessories this year, boiiiiiiii Razer has got you covered.

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Introducing the Razer Wolverine Ultimate, clocking in at a whopping $160. This controller for Xbox One, in no uncertain terms, better literally sexually stimulate me while I play my favorite video games. This controller better have a 120 hour battery, a satellite that can scratch my ass from space, and it better be able to hover over to my fridge and grab me a beer when I need one. One hundred and sixty dollars, sweet newborn infant Jesus thats a lot of clams.

You might be asking yourself, “Papa, what do I really get after blowing a wad like that”? Well, son, The Razer Wolverine Ultimate – which may actually be the spiritual successor to MadCatz’s most outrageously equipped controllers (looking at you, dumbfuck controller with the cooling vents on the sides), comes with an RGB lighting strip you can change the colors on, interchangeable d-pads and thumbsticks, and remappable face buttons and triggers. If that’s not enough for you – did I mention the triggers have outrageous names like “switch action” and “hair-trigger”? Oh, and this motherbitch has a RUBBER GRIP, AND A CARRYING CASE! AND, AAND, a 12-month factory warranty (of course).

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If you’re actually in the market for a Razer Wolverine Ultimate, you’ll be happy to know that it’ll work on PC and will be released in Q4 of this year. Also, if you’ve got a few bucks laying around – buy a t-shirt… Like I said, these controllers ain’t cheap.

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