Every Mother’s Day, we look to the matriarchs of our families, and thank them for the incredible lessons they’ve taught us, the sacrifices they’ve made for us, and the meals they’ve prepared for us. There’s tons of moms in the gaming world too, an infinite amount of hypothetical mothers of heroes that we never get to see on-screen. That being said, the ones who do have parts to play in the plots… Well… Let’s just say they haven’t exactly been working to earn that Mother’s Day card or sappy Instagram post. Here are the top 5 worst mothers in modern gaming.
5.) Dr. Brigid Tenenbaum, Bioshock
At number five is Dr. Tenenbaum, best known for being the “mother” of the Little Sisters in the Bioshock series. If you’re not acquainted with the series – they were orphaned little girls who were injected with a substance called “ADAM”, which turned them into living, breathing stem cell factories. Tenenbaum discovered that ADAM levels would multiply while hosted inside the body of these children, and she later harvested the ADAM out of their bodies once the incubation process was done. If that doesn’t sound like Mother of the Year-caliber shit, she also observed and AIDED German doctors experimenting on prisoners while she, a prisoner herself, enjoyed a cozy tenure as an inmate at Auschwitz. Get Dr. Tenenbaum a “#1 Mom” coffee mug, ASAP.
4.) Matriarch Benezia, Mass Effect
Coming in at number four is the mayor of blue alien MILF city herself, Matriarch Benezia. Benezia wasn’t always bad, she actually was once the spiritual leader of her entire race – and tried dissuading the main villain of the first Mass Effect game, Saren, from being a genocidal maniac. As it turns out, Benezia’s own brilliance was no match for the power of the Reaper (a big ass sentient alien ship) known as “Sovereign”, who convinced her to try and kill her own daughter and all of her friends… Oh, and then to torture and murder everyone else in the way of the Reaper’s path to destroying the galaxy. But remember – this was all a HUGE misunderstanding, as she eventually broke the mind control shortly before dying as her daughter and friends had to kill her in self-defense. Whoopsie-daisy.
3.) Sindel, Mortal Kombat
Sindel is guilty of a few things, and not just the fact that she looks identical to Bette Middler in Hocus Pocus. Sindel is the wife of Shao Kahn, the evil emperor who seeks to invade and control the cleverly named “Earthrealm”, which if you couldn’t guess, is the realm where Earth (and Sindel’s daughter, Kitana) is. Apparently, Shao Kahn gained control over Sindel’s mind by driving Sindel to commit suicide (???) and then raised her from the dead as his evil queen and bride. SICK courtship skills bro. Eventually, Kitana canonically lays the smack down on her mother, and somehow (literally) knocks some sense into her which causes her to become allied with the heroes of the games once again. Regardless of the happy ending, Sindel is staying firm at number three SOLELY because of this absolute jewel of a line from the movie Mortal Kombat: Annihilation:
2.) Ma Cipriani, Grand Theft Auto: Liberty City Stories
“Ma” Cipriani is a character that never appears on-screen in Liberty City Stories, but she has plenty of shit to talk to you from her window. Ma convinces her son, Toni, to kill two groups of Triads, as she thinks that Toni is too weak and wimpy. Personally, I woulda signed up my kid for a boxing class if I thought he wasn’t tough enough, but hey – do you, Ma. The hall of fame-worthy parenting doesn’t stop there. Ma Cipriani eventually calls a hit on Toni, which she only calls off after Toni becomes a made man in the mafia. I’ve heard of parents having unrealistic standards or expectations for their kids, but Ma Cipriani’s might be a little harsh.
1.) Your Mom, Pokemon Red & Blue
Settling firmly into the number one slot on this list is the mother of all horrible parents – the mother in every single Pokemon game. As you can see on the left, the protagonist’s mother gets all of her best parenting tips from the television, which is conveniently located on the floor in the living room/dining room/kitchen. Did I mention that there are no other appliances in the house? What the fuck are you doing all day, Mom? And why are you kicking me out of the house at AGE TEN!? Did you have to go out on this fantastic journey when you were my age? Where are all of your goddamn Pokemon, huh? To make matters even more insane, your own mother doesn’t even give you a MAP to find your way around. You need to go panhandling to your dickhead neighbor’s sister to have any hope of finding your way around.
So there you have it folks. The worst moms, matriarchs, and queens in video games. I hope this has motivated you all to get up and thank your own mother (or whichever mother-like figure you have in your life) for not being an evil queen, a genocidal witch, a neglectful parent, or simply for not calling on the mob to kill you. Thanks, Ma. Love you, girl. Peace.