What’s Taking So Long Squenix?

July 8, 2016 Dr. Bob

It’s my Kingdom Hearts and I want it now!

We have been waiting with anticipation for Kingdom Hearts 3 for years now, and not for nothing the handheld games just don’t do it for me. Any fan who was holding out for some more reveals at E3 this year were surely let down, but Kingdom Hearts 2.8 is slated for December of this year so we should get some info from that release. We were however told that we will not be seeing any Final Fantasy world in this one, which is complete bullshit. I honestly cannot comprehend how Kingdom Hearts does not include a Final Fantasy realm when they entertain half of the FF roster and with the soon to be released Final Fantasy XV, so with that being said let me give you my Top 5 Worlds I Want To See in Kingdom Hearts 3.

Final Fantasy:
Fuck that whole “there will be no FF worlds in any Kingdom Hearts games” bullshit. We as fans of both series want to see this shit. I want to see angsty Sora meetup with angsty Tidus and the crew to fight their way through both Heartless and fiends alike. Gather round kids I got some fucking gold Sqeunix can borrow from me. Picture the gang finding out that Jecht gave himself up to save Spira from the Heartless and was forced to then become Sin…BOOM! Mind fucking blown. Honestly what more could a Squenix fan ask for then all of these FF guest appearances? Make it happen.

Put Sora, Donald, and Goofy in there and who is going to fuck with them?

Wreck It Ralph:
This is kind of a given. How many opportunities do you have to play a videogame within a videogame of a videogame. Videogame Inception. Imagine you play as Sora and he walks into an arcade, then he places a coin in and gets sucked into the world of Wreck It Ralph. His fighting style would fit the game perfectly and I could listen to John C. Reilly whisper in my ears at night.

Star Wars:
Yup, low hanging fruit here guys. This is an easy one. Ever since Disney bought the right to Star Wars, Kingdom Hearts fans have been begging for this. Fans in general can’t help but speculate how Disney could implement this franchise into gaming but KH3 is the perfect place to do it. Rey would be another amazing companion but pretty much any character in the franchise would suffice. If you make Chewey a motherfucking summon I can guarantee fans will send you personal nudes and maybe even agree to name their first borns after Disney execs. Kylo Ren just looks like he could be a member of the evil Organization XIII from Kingdom Hearts 2 and on, so making him a boss in the game could fit the ridiculous storyline.

Frozen:
I may get some flack for this one, but I am just hoping our demographic is 20+ year old alcoholic gamers like myself. When I was imprisoned in my last relationship by satan’s first born, I was forced to watch Frozen and I fucking hated it…I mean I pretended to like it, but it sucked. I love Disney movies but I could never wrap my head around the Frozen hype. Still, it was practically the most hyped Disney movie in our generation and what other way to get younger audiences into the series than by adding a Frozen world to KH3? The only redeeming quality I can see would to make Sven or Olaf a summon seeing as though they are the only interesting characters in the movie. I fucking hated that movie…there I said it.

Marvel:
If you didn’t see this coming then you need to reassess where the fuck you are in life. Ask yourself “What am I doing with myself? Where did it all go wrong? How do I make this right again?” I would of course say to take it easy on yourself and begin by recommending your friends to WickedGoodGaming.com 😉 . Anyways… Mavel is a universe within itself, there are so many heroes to team up with, or summon, and countless villains to interlay into a Kingdom Hearts story. Out of every Disney property, Marvel is easily the most expansive, with the greatest amount of possibilities, and not for nothing, nerds like us live and die for this shit.