25 Things Nintendo Absolutely Isn’t Going To Do For Super Mario RPG’s 25th Anniversary
Nintendo is holding their first full Nintendo Direct presentation since 2019 tomorrow.
More importantly, it’s the 25th anniversary of my favorite video game of all time in just a few short weeks.
That’s right, ladies and gentlemen. March 9th is the 25th anniversary of Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars. And to commemorate this incredible anniversary for my favorite game of all time – I have decided to write the most bitter (yet most correct) blog in the history of this website. I’ve compiled a definitive list of the 25 things that Nintendo is absolutely NOT*** going to do in observance of this milestone.
CUE THE MUSIC!
- Super Mario RPG gets a full remaster
- Super Mario RPG get an actual sequel
- Super Mario RPG is added to Nintendo Switch Online’s offering of digital SNES games
- Nintendo holds a commemorative Post Malone concert for Super Mario RPG’s 25th anniversary
- Mallow is added to Smash
- Geno is added to Smash
- Mallow is added to Mario Kart
- Geno is added to Mario Kart
- A Super Mario RPG Forest Maze playset is released for the Mario LEGO toy line
- “Year of Croco” season of content is announced
- Culex assist trophy is added to Smash
- Super Mario RPG-themed Animal Crossing furniture is announced
- Star Road is mentioned ever again in any Mario title
- Super Mario RPG Burger King toys
- Nintendo announces a Booster’s Castle Train Set Hot Wheels Track
- Partnership with Peeps brand to create Mallow-shaped marshmallow Peeps
- Toadofsky spinoff rhythm game where you make songs by jumping on Tadpoles
- The Chancellor of the Mushroom Kingdom is never referenced again, as he was an empty suit and government puppet
- Bring back Jonathan Jones, literally the second coolest character in the entire game (he’s a shark pirate you guys)
- Return us to such iconic locales as Rose Town, Seaside Town, or Booster’s Tower
- Add a real life Forest Maze to the Super Mario theme park
- Create another game where Mario and Bowser are forced to team up to defeat a greater evil
- Ever partner with Square Enix again on anything
- Announce another Mario roleplaying game that doesn’t have anything to do with stationery or art supplies
- Acknowledge the game’s existence whatsoever at tomorrow’s Nintendo Direct
And there you have it. Never gonna happen***. Ever***.
But if it did happen, literally any of these things…
I’d probably cry.
***DISCLAIMER: In the unlikely event that any of these things actually occur, I reserve the right to claim that I knew this was going to happen all along, and to act as though I had full confidence it was going to happen from day one. Thank you for your time.
