Sony Fanboys : An Ode to Their Stupidity
It is safe to say we have been in an ongoing war for decades now. When I say we, I mean the neck bearded anime Twitter avatar having ass console war fanboys who live and breath their pathetic existences on Twitter just spewing console war propaganda. When online gaming came around, people would Harry Potter style sort themselves into a collective house for the console of their choice. Xbox fanboys, the goodie little two shoes would go to Gryffindor, never arguing with their teachers and always showing up for Xbox showcases on time. Nintendo nerds ended up in Hufflepuff gladly accepting whatever Reggie Fils-Aime and now Doug Bowser put in their bowls. Sony snakes would obviously end up in Slytherin, the eternal oroboros eating their own games over and over again as new IPs were so hard to come by. Then I, the average PC gamer found myself in Ravenclaw. Completely impartial to the warring factions of Xbox and Sony…..until recently.
Being present on Twitter is a necessity when we have a brand to grow, but if I didn’t, oh boy I would be living life to the fullest. For some reason my algorithm decides to push every angry post made by 148 follower accounts with either “Sony Diehard” or “XBOX 4 LYFE” as their headers and an image of either their PS5 platinum trophies or Xbox achievement scores (guys these do not mean anything in real life I assure you). These are not tangible trophies you can hold or achievements you can put on a resume, sorry to break it to you fucking nerds, but you likely aren’t applying for jobs anyway and just leeching off your family. You make me sick. It has become so incredibly annoying that I feel compelled to point out the hypocrisies and ideocracies of both sides. I have Steam, I have access to just about any game I want to play. Microsoft games end up on PC day 1 most of the time and Sony NEEDS people to buy their games so if they aren’t day 1, they come within the next 2 years to Steam. So, I will just cherry pick hilarious topics I see on Twitter and throw a jab at both sides here and there because I enjoy stirring shit.
In my years, I have tried to evenly balance my criticisms and shit slinging at everyone, these Twitter hands are Rated E for everyone, just like every fucking game on Nintendo you spineless fucks. Put out some M rated games from time to time. The drama behind Halo Infinite was too good to pass up so of course Xbox was gunna get their share of it. As of late, however, Sony has been steam rolling themselves into the dirt and the fact that the diehards amongst them refuse to acknowledge it is truly astounding. Being honest with you and of course myself, Sony has been receiving the brunt of my criticism as of late, but they fucking earned it. I give them their flowers when it’s merited, BloodBorne is my favorite Souls game of all time and yet they hoard that along with the dozens of other stagnant IPs they refuse to touch…all so we can get a 400million dollar Overwatch clone in Concord (RIP), an 800$ PS5 pro, The Last of Us Remastered (again) and now Horizon Zero Dawn Remastered. Like c’mon man, what the fuck happened to the old school mascot games? Jak and Daxter, Ratchet and Clank, Spyro, Twisted Metal? Like the list goes on and Sony still claims to have no IPs to work with so they just recycle games THEY deem worth repurchasing instead of listening to the consumers. Not the Sony consumers, those Slytherin snakes will slurp up anything Sony gives them, but the general consumer base.
As the year is coming to a close people are putting together their Game of the Year lists, which is perfectly ok, I think sharing your opinions on games you loved this year is great. Unfortunately it is once again a pivoting point for the console warring troglodytes claiming “my top 5 games of the year all Sony games baby Xbots got nothing” as they shift their fedoras and ignore the deodorant their mom’s keep buying for them. The wheels continues to turn, the cycle continues, but the amount of this shit I am seeing this year is abhorrent. So I took my pokes at Sony again after seeing a tweet showcasing Sony “dominating” in GOTY talks with Silent Hill 2 Remake, Stellar Blade, Black Myth Wukong, Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth, and Astro Bot. I made the joke that 4/5 of these games were on PC (truthfully only 2 are, but Stellar Blade and Final Fantasy 7 will come to pc) and some true defender of Sony came to give me a piece of his mind. Really wanted to lay into me.
Dear Matt, I hope your favorite fedora company has a massive sale this week, that your acne clears up, and your mom buys your favorite hot pockets after work. Maybe someday Jim Ryan will let you suck his dick for all the effort you put into defending Sony so valiantly.
With Love,
Bob
