TINFOIL HAT BLOG: Do Crab Rangoons Exist?
Every so often, an earth-shaking conspiracy arises, and raises questions and investigations that transcend generations.
The Moon landing, JFK’s assassination, 5G towers causing Coronavirus, birds being government agents, the list goes on and on. Whether the majority in their heart-of-hearts believe that something is true, there will always be dissent sown throughout the public to address the ever-present question… “What if”?
Today is no different, dear reader, as today we here at the WGG Special Investigations News Desk investigate whether or not Crab Rangoons actually exist.
Now, if you’re of the rational mind – you may be asking… What are you talking about, Dom? Of course Crab Rangoons exist. They’re delicious, they’re crunchy on the outside and soft on the inside, and they pair really nicely with 15 Mai Tais on a Wednesday evening. How could one deny it’s existence? I’ll show you how.
You read that right, our very own friend of the program and friend in real life Pete Snalydo Leone from the Iron Lords Podcast family is a crab rangoon truther. Guy just doesn’t think they exist. But how could this be so, if a fellow friend of ours hates crab rangoons so vehemently?
How could someone hate something that doesn’t even exist? It just can’t happen. Now, Pete has defended his theory – saying that he’s never heard of Crab Rangoons but HAS heard of “crab fried wontons” or “crab puffs”, but nobody knows what those are. This isn’t just a debate over whether a sub is called a “sub” or a “hoagie” or a “grinder”, this is a battle over whether or not a STAPLE of American Chinese Food exists… And believe you me – I will die on this hill.
Now, Pete has gone ahead and created a poll, and the results – I’m not gonna lie – are troubling. Almost split right down the middle after over 100 votes! Pete might be juicing some numbers here, and we may need to explore whether or not there was any outside interference in the voting here (too soon?), but the fact of the matter is, Crab Rangoons exist.
Search your feelings, you know it to be true.
(Love ya, Pete!)
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