I Just Ate A Frozen Meal For The First Time Since High School

If you’re like me, you take full advantage of long weekends. I don’t often go for the Triple Crown these days (I’m less than a year away from being 30, its just not in the cards anymore), but when a 3-day weekend suddenly becomes four, that often provides just enough bandwidth to get after it for 75% of the stretch.

Now, granted, did I feel awesome yesterday morning? Absolutely not. I feel like I was dragged around by a Uhaul truck all weekend and deposited on my front doorstep. My brain was completely shot, my eyeballs looked like they were going to fall out of my face, and taking one look at my work schedule for that Tuesday made me seriously consider bursting into tears. Long story short, I was a mess.

So, naturally, when it came time to catch my breath and break for lunch, I was still in the midst of an uphill battle. I couldn’t focus on anything, and was somewhere between “I should probably detox and have a salad” and “The only thing that’s gonna make me feel better is junk food”, and the latter won out.

Screen-wipe to the grocery store within walking distance of my office, as I groggily shuffle up and down the aisles, hoping to find something caloric and cheap enough to satisfy my unspeakable agony. Then, a lightning bolt hit me. I was out for the UFC fights on Saturday, and I saw about 6,000 advertisements for DEVOUR Frozen Meals. My mind was made up, and I shuffled for the frozen food section.

I haven’t been in this area of the supermarket since like… High school. If I got sent to the store, I’d pick up some pizza rolls, maybe some toaster strudels, but I’ve never been a frozen food guy. I like to think I make reasonably sound life choices (most of the time, just not this past weekend). But here I was, staring down the barrel of a “White Cheddar Mac & Cheese With Bacon” from DEVOUR. Back to the office I went to eat my shame-filled frozen dinner.

As soon as I opened the package, the shame started to set in. But the front of the box looked delicious, so I plugged ahead. The instructions were pretty simple. Slightly peel back the film on the tray, heat for 3 minutes. Stir up the half-frozen mess, heat for 3 more minutes, then let it sit for 1-2 minutes to cool off. Easy peasy. I did all that, grabbed myself a bowl (I was absolutely not about to eat this out of a molten hot plastic tray), and went to town.

To be completely honest, I was pretty surprised with how tasty the frozen meal was. On my first bite, I burnt the shit out of my tongue (as per tradition with anything you cook from the freezer), but the mac and cheese kinda hit the spot. The bacon was flavorful, the texture of the meal was surprisingly nice for a frozen dinner, and all in all I don’t really remember frozen dinners being this satisfying back in high school. Call me out of touch, I guess. I was hoping for a bit of a heartier meal (I could’ve easier taken down two of these), but I refrained from sprinting back to the supermarket.

With everything said and done, I was pleasantly surprised with my first frozen meal experience in over 10 years. Technology sure has advanced, and so too has flash-frozen cuisine. If I ever find myself shambling to the frozen food aisle again, I know which product line I’ll likely reach for.

(This blog is in no way, shape, or form sponsored by or paid for by DEVOUR Frozen Meals. But hey, if you guys are reading this… My DMs are open. – @UncleDommy)