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Breath of the Wild Includes “Use of Alcohol”, HYYYYEAAAAAH

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As we all know, Link has been portrayed at pretty much a different age in each new iteration in the Legend of Zelda series. From little kid, to teenager, to adult – it looks like we’ve seen Link at every age except 21… BUT it looks like he’s not done growing up yet according to the ESRB’s official rating for Breath of the Wild.

giphyThe game contains some mildly suggestive material: fairies with moderate cleavage and/or exaggerated-size breasts; dialogue such as “I get to see a young hunk draw a bow again?” and “If I have to have something pounce on me, why couldn’t it be a lady?” During the course of the game, a shopowner tells Link that she only serves “…drinks that are definitely just for adults…”; players can also encounter a drunken character that occasionally hiccups. -ESRB

LINK YOU DOG! Now before everyone jumps all over my shit saying “well it sounds like they’re just alluding to alcohol being in the game, relax” – let me stop you. No, I’m not gonna relax. Every other Zelda game in existence has given us a pretty clear set of tasks – go to the place, collect the thing, rinse, repeat about 8 times, and fight the boss. Not that I’m complaining since Zelda’s definitely my favorite franchise of all time, but a rating and description like this has finally put a button on what I think Nintendo’s been trying to tell us since the very first trailer. Not only can you go wherever you want in this beautiful, vast, open-world sure-to-be masterpiece – but you can be whoever you want (as long as you’re, y’know, Link).

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#EDGY

Let me explain. Ocarina of Time might’ve been the first game I ever played as a kid where I could name my character and have in-game NPCs address me as “Dom”. That gave me a sense of immersion like I’d never felt before. That immersion set off a chain of purchases that coded me as the customization, options, and depth freak that I am now when it comes to video games of any genre. If there’s limited to no customization, I’m immediately 100% less interested and invested.

Breath of the Wild is giving us (well, at least me) what we’ve wanted out of a Zelda game for decades. We’ve got options. We can craft armor, weapons, and food. We can explore at our leisure. And last but not least, we can stick around for another round of Lon-Lon Milk White Russians if we want to. I mean, Link awakes from a “century-long” slumber in the start of a game, so he’s at LEAST 100 years old – that’s legal drinking age in Hyrule, right?’

Regardless of whether we get to just interact with drunk people or join them, nothing is going to affect the colossal excitement I have for this game. For more degenerate journalism, check us out on Twitter and subscribe to the podcast!

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