10 Rarest Pokemon in Pokemon GO — Where Y’all At?

July 20, 2016 Chris P.

So after waking up every morning to 14 Rattata’s laying in bed with me, I started thinking. Where are the legit Pokemon? The BIG MEECH’S? The cream of the crop? The no-one-to-fuck-with’s? So I did my research like a good boy and found the 10 rarest Pokemon in Pokemon GO..

So you know how you pick your team that you want? Mystic, Instinct, or Valor? (#TeamValor). The rumors are confirmed; depending on what team you are on, it determines the legendary Pokemon that you can get.. So for that reason they are three of the ten most rare.

10. Zapdos- Only available to team Instinct. That’s pretty upsetting because this dude is a beast. Controlling electricity and shit.. And it has been told that no one has caught Zapdos yet (Shocker huh?) <- see what I did there.

9. Moltres – Only available to team Valor. Do you guys see the size of this thing? 6 foot 7, 132 lbs? Tall as shit but super lanky and weak. I’ll snap this dumb birds arm clean off if it doesn’t start coming around. Rumor has it that no one has caught this guy either. I’ll have to start putting the pressure on somehow. <– see what I did there? Pressure? It’s one of Moltres’ attacks. Damn I need another coffee.

8. Articuno – Only available to team Mystic. Look at Cuno over here.. Like he just hit the last cup in pong. What a bro. I need to catch this dude and drink a few Bud-Soda’s with him. Articuno has yet be seen and there is a reward being offered for his capturing. From me… I’ll buy you a beer?

7. Tauros – I know a lot of people that read this are going to say.. “OH FUCK WGG, I HAVE TONS OF THESE” and that is because you are probably from North America. Which is the only place that these weird ass bulls hang around. Take it back now? People are driving, flying and taking god damn ferries to try to catch these things in North America.

6. Kangaskhan- Has only been found in New Zealand and Australia. Now that is a hike for a Bostonian like myself. I have to take a 24 hour flight in order to catch this big bitch? His little Kangaskhan is cute though.. Look at him. Just chilling out in the pouch flexing his baby biceps(rob).

5. Mr. Mime- Has only been found in Western Europe. Not for nothing Western Europe, you can keep Mr. Mime.. He’s scary as shit. If I woke up in Western Europe to Mr. Mime in my bed I’d freak the fuck out.

4. Farfetch’d – Out of all of the Pokemon that Asia could have taken, they took Farfetch’d? That is a ballsy move. I mean I guess he’s kind of cool.. Inner Focus, and Keen Eye seem like a waste of an ability but hey.. Maybe I’m bias because the species of Farfetch’d is a Wild Duck Pokemon.. And the only Wild Duck that I mess with is

—->

The last 4 Pokemon that I named, Can still be caught in an incubated egg.

3. Mew- Good ol’ Mew baby. No one has come across Mew but certain data miners have dug through Pokemon GO’s code to reveal that Mew is in fact in the game.. Data mining, that sounds pretty boss. I go snot mining? That’s just as cool right? I pick my nose.

Data miner at work —-

2. Ditto- No one has caught this cool blob. But Pokemon connoisseurs have done their digging and realized that Ditto’s spot in the Pokedex (132 is there). What if we already have Ditto, but he just made himself into a different Pokemon. Like maybe a shitty 10 CP Rattata that you cashed in for candy??

1. Mewtwo- Yea no shit.. I think everyone seen this one coming. If you had a Mewtwo card when you were younger you had to beat the girls off of you with a damn stick. Not really… But.. No one has found Mewtwo yet and to be honest I don’t think that anyone will anytime soon. They probably have Mewtwo locked up in a room filled with carbon monoxide and any Pokeball you use, he will escape from. When you watch the Pokemon GO Cinematic trailer you know who you see? Mewtwo. So yea, he has to be somewhere. Picture below.