World of Warcraft: Shadowlands is here, and so is the holiday season. What better way to celebrate the holidays than by stuffing your face with sugary treats and washing them down with some ice cold milk while binging your favorite MMO for hours on end?
Before we get into it though, once again I’m going to plug our Toys for Tots charity drive here. Grab a sweater and support a great cause!
One of the first blogs I wrote for this website was a list of beer pairings for each of the Broken Isles in World of Warcraft: Legion, and I’m back once again to pair up each of the new Covenants in Shadowlands with a seasonally-appropriate serving of cookies and milk. Enjoy.
Kyrian – Pillsbury Holiday Cookies with Whole Milk
The Kyrian of Bastion like everything in order, and that’s exactly what they’re getting with these cookies. All the same size, shape, flavor, and design. No surprises, no frills, no risk of messing anything up.
Wash these puppies down with just your standard ice cold glass of whole milk in a nondescript glass, and then the Kyrian can get back to keeping the rest of Bastion in perfect working order.
This may seem boring to some, but if you’re too good for these kind of cookies then you’re too good for me.
Night Fae – Frosted Sugar Cookies with Sweetened Vanilla Almond Milk
The Night Fae of Ardenweald are especially soft, sweet, and tend to fall apart when things get too hectic. Just like these cookies.
You might be thinking to yourself “these are way too sweet, there’s too much frosting!”, and you might think the same of the Night Fae, but they are still great cookies and demand your respect.
As for sweetened almond milk, I imagine that they perceive anything healthy or flavorless as pure evil, so they reach for something with a little more flavor and sweetness than normal.
Venthyr – Gingerbread Men with Spiked Egg Nog
The Venthyr of Revendreth are pretty sick individuals.
Their entire realm is devoted to (and powered by) forcing the worst souls to atone for their sins, and I can’t imagine a worse form of torment than being transformed into some vampire gingerbread man and dipped into milk until you get all soggy. Terrifying shit.
One thing that I admire about the Venthyr, however, is that they like to party. That’s why they’re pairing these nightmare cookies with some spiked egg nog while they schmooze at their next creepy but also kinda sexy vampire party.
Necrolords – Holiday Shortbread Cookies with Literally Just A Flask Of Whiskey In Their Jacket
The Necrolords of Maldraxxus are lovers of just pure fucknig chaos at all times. They don’t have time for buying cookies, making cookies, hell, even putting them on a plate.
Picture a hoard of Necrolords stampeding across a battlefield, pounding down a flask of whiskey, throwing it to the ground, and then ripping off the top of this bag and pouring them all over the place. Crumbs everywhere, no regard for life or organization whatsoever.
Your Necrolord buddy is the guy who makes a huge goddamn mess at the holiday dinner table and is sloshed 25 minutes after he gets there. Maybe he was drunk already when he walked in and the Uber made him walk from the top of the street because he was afraid he’d get puke on the dashboard.
Like I said, pure chaos.
And there you have it folks. I told you I’d make these blogs about video games! I hope you enjoyed the pairings, and I hope you get more than your fill of holiday refreshments this year. See you tomorrow!
World of Warcraft: Shadowlands is available now.
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