New Game of Thrones Trailer Sets Record For Most Ruined Pairs of Pants
Get me drunk off mulled wine, cut my torso in half, have a drunken whore-monging outcast follower of the Lord of Light bring me back to life (WAKE ME UP INSIDE) and do it all over again because the newest trailer for Game of Thrones Season 7 just ruined my lucky pair of boxers for me. Where the fuck does one even begin here? With all of the buildup around Game of Thrones as of late, with the split final season, delayed final seasons, announcement of spin off, and generally any other gripes us GoT geeks have, the one thing that has gotten us both sexually invigorated and frustratingly over anxious has been the amazing trailers they always end up putting out. I swear the people behind the trailers for Game of Thrones know each and every one of their fans intimately…I don’t know how, but they know our deepest fears and desires and exploit them every time they release a new trailer.
I wanna just give a brief over view of my thoughts here and then dive a little deeper into some of the more specific glimpses. This is all theory crafting on my part because KEY POINT 1.We don’t know for sure what is coming this season and KEY POINT 2. Winds of Winter isn’t out yet (for fucks sake GRRM get it together). The way the second trailer plays out for me, seems to be adversarial at first. Where the previous season left off with pretty much every faction making their way to Westeros, a little more specifically, King’s Landing, this trailer seems to pick up where it left off, however, the dialogue and scenes towards the end make it seem like enemies will be allying against shared enemies, and then those enemies may have to ally against the greatest threat of them all, the death Winter brings along with it in the form of the White Walkers. That’s pretty much as broad as I’ll leave it because for fuck’s sake, what else could happen here? Either they unite or die to the White Walkers.
On to the specific scenes. The first glimpse we get of Daenerys is of her running her fingers over the ornate wooden table of Westeros…which if anyone has forgotten is located in the council chamber in Dragonstone. This would make sense because Storm’s End is the most Eastern coastal land in Westeros not including Sunspear. This is likely the first place Dany will land coming from Esos I am just curious to find out the state of decay Dragonstone has been left in with the deaths of literally every Baratheon except for the bastards. As per tradition Baelish is being a sneak fuck, sending out his general creepy, I’m gunna kidnap your daughter vibes in the shadows. We soon see what appears to be Bran controlling an army of ravens…which is cool ya know, but like can we get to him warging a dragon already? I mean I’d prefer warging a dragon over a flock of ravens when it comes to fighting an army of the undead. Immediately afterwards we a ghost from the past pops up and at this point, mid underwear change, Beric Dondarrion reenters into the equation and I have to fucking change all over again. I’ll just go ahead and make the call now, Thoros of Myr got drunk one night, fell asleep next to an open fire, was gifted a vision telling him to bring Beric north to protect Bran, because let’s be real here for a second…if you end up being friends with Bran, you won’t survive more than 2 seasons. Everything from there is a blur really. It’s pretty much a commercial for a used cars dealership half way through. “You want dragons? Fuck it we got dragons. BOATS?!? You got it asshole. Dickless men fighting with spears? Cmon now.” Like I said before, the people who create these trailers know my deepest fears and most beheld desires for these final two seasons for Game of Thrones and I’d be fucked not to say I’m not excited, because holy pile of dragon shit am I excited.
Game of Thrones Season 7 airs July 17th. Dom and I may try to do a Wicked Good Game of Thrones Podcast going to just go over episodes every week. We are two enormous, literally on my part, Thrones fans and we live and die for this shit. So stay tuned.
