Elden Ring is right around the corner and it can arguably be considered one of the most highly anticipated releases we have seen in a while. FromSoftware was working in tandem with, Game of Thrones creator, George R. R. Martin to bring us a sprawling open world, lore heavy game, based off the foundations and mechanics from the Dark Souls franchise. Massive names in the gaming industry, including some of the biggest streamers on Twitch have been hyping this release not only since the announcement trailers, but even more so after the closed beta went live a few months back. This has drawn the eyes of just about every corner of the gaming landscape from the die hard SekiSoulsBorne crew all the way to the more casual, not so familiar playerbase looking to get fully engrossed in the world. As one of those seasoned SekiSoulsBorne members I figured now was as good a time as ever to give my Best 5 Tips on How to Prep For Elden Ring.
1. Disconnect from Family and Loved Ones
Elden Ring is going to be a massive open world experience jam packed with plenty of areas to explore, bosses to fight, and lore to be unraveled. With so much land to cover, you genuinely will not have time to keep up relationships with anyone of value. It would likely be best to just cut ties now while you still have 4 days to get ready for the release of Elden Ring. Yell at your children for no apparent reason. Start a fight with your wife. Tell your wife her sister is the attractive one in the family so she’ll stay with her mom in Cleveland for a few weeks.
2. Speak to a Therapist
This may sound contradictory to point 1 as you will have such limited time to dedicate to loved ones, but you need to prioritize your own mental throughout The Lands Between. As many SekiSoulsBorne players can attest, you need a therapist. You WILL need professional help, not to get you through the game, but to keep your sanity intact after dying to the opening 3 bosses a several dozen times. Would you look at that 6 hours have passed, you’ve died to boss #2 forty eight times in a row and haven’t even made it to the first real landmark in the game. Those dishes in your cabinet are looking awfully throwable. Call your therapist.
3. Play Online w/ Friends
Elden Ring aims to be the first FromSoftware game that puts a heavy focus into online multiplayer, much more so than the usual invasion mechanics of the previous titles. If you are a seasoned vet at these games and are struggling, make sure to invite your noob friends, not to get a boost in aid during boss fights, but to have an excuse for why you keep dying. I, for one will be inviting Dom along with me so I have an easy scapegoat to pin on every death and boos battle loss in front of us. We aren’t playing a couch co-op platformer here. This is going along the, League of Legends, style of multiplayer where you blame everyone else and move on.
4. Become an Alcoholic
Sometimes you just need to open yourself up to some vices in gaming. I for one love to enjoy a few cold beers during my CSGO matches to really take an edge off during our open season. Become a regular at your local packie and grab yourself a 30 rack to prep for this weekend. Save the hard stuff for halfway through the world, when you’ve been battered and beaten down by so many mobs and bosses that a good old pilsner just won’t cut it anymore. Wake up bright and early at 2pm and spike your cereal with some Bailey’s to prepare your body for the abuse to come.
5. Play Something Else
You may be reading point 5 as, “take a break from Elden Ring and play something else”. Nope, not what I’m saying. You just are not ready for the poundings you are about to take. You may think to yourself, “oh but Bob I have played hard games before, I should be fine”. Wrong. If Elden Ring is any bit as difficult as the previous games developed by FromSoftware…and THIS is your first one, good fucking luck my friend. I was born for this shit, you were not. Sorry about your grandma and all, but I’m built different.
Elden Ring comes out in just 4 days and I can already see myself uninstalling Lost Ark, stepping away from my CSGO team, taking a week off from work, putting a severe strain on my relationship, and dedicating the next month of my life just to this game. Best of luck ashen ones, you’re gunna fucking need it.