Top 5 Tips and Tricks to Hide the Fact you’re a Weeb from Loved Ones

February 15, 2019 Dr. Bob

Dr. Bob is coming in real hot, heavy and maybe even a little emotional here. I was lying in bed last night casually burning through pages of Yu Yu Hakusho Volume 18 when I realized there was only one volume left. That’s it, 19 total volumes and I almost tore the seam apart furiously turning pages, so a big thanks goes out to our very own Papa Dom for getting me my first 5 servings of crack rock in the form of Yu Yu Hakusho Volumes 1-5, for our secret santa this year. It’s been a little over a month now and with the conclusion of the manga scheduled to end for me this weekend, I am already planning to watch all 112 episodes all over again for the 5th time in my FORMERLY underground weeb life. Yes, you’ve read that right I made some leaps and bounds in the past few years to let the world know I fucking love anime. I’ll scream it from the fucking mountains, “I’LL THROW MYSELF INTO TRAFFIC TO BECOME THE NEXT SPIRIT DETECTIVE”. “I”LL FIGHT MIKE TYSONE TO BE THE ONE OF THE SEVEN DEADLY SINS”. But if you are still waiting for the right time to let people know your infatuation with anime I may be able to help you out with some tips I’ve gathered…….from outside sources.

1. Stop Using the Word “Kawaii” in Everyday Sentences

I know it may be difficult to control, but maybe next time you walk past the dog store in the mall with your cousins from out of town, keep it inside. Adjust your rhetoric from “Oh my God, so kawaii!!!” to something like “Hello cousins, look at how cute this dog is”. It takes time, training and focus, but I know you all have it in you.

2. Don’t Wear your Naruto Headband out in Public

This one is pretty straight forward. Maybe get like a nice hat or something until the time is right. But when you feel the time is right, slap that Leaf Village Forehead Protector on, throw your arms back and ninja sprint through the halls on your way to class leaving your foes in the dust.

3. Anonymize your Fan Fiction

I get that there is glory in being the most up voted Tokyo Ghoul fan fic producer on Reddit, but always make sure to never include your real name or pictures of yourself. What happens if your uncle wants to gather some information about Tokyo and then bam your face is plastered on the first page of the google search. Your fame and notoriety ousted you.

4. Invest in Reversible Body Pillows

Of course you own a Kill la Kill body pillow, fuck if my bed and couch wasn’t already filled with Yu Yu Hakusho body pillows, I’d get one too. Say for instance you’re bringing a fledgling possible partner home one night, they could be a little intimidated by the vast array of weaponry displayed on your 4 foot long companion pillow. Problem Solved! Reversible body pillows for the everyday weeb allow you to swiftly and easily pull your body pillow inside out, giving you just a normal body length pillow.

5. Never Post Your Cosplay Pics on Social Media

The internet is a seething mess of negativity that interconnects everybody on the planet and invites them into your own personal life. But thank you for coming to our website, on the internet, to read this survival guide it was very kawaii of you. Be like your favorite internet weeb degenerate and wait until you are ready to put your cosplay on display.