It Is My Duty As A Gaming Jounalist To Bring You The Definitive French Fry Power Rankings
We here at Wicked Good Gaming have a few passions. Food and beers are two of them. Occasionally, we’ll review a few things that may not be video game related whatsoever… French fries are one of those things. I’m pretty sure I’m the foremost french fry authority in the United States of America, but I could be completely wrong. That may or may not even be an actual position. Either way, here are the Definitive Wicked Good Gaming French Fry Power Rankings for 2016. Enjoy.
7.) Sweet potato fries
Gotta be honest with you, I’m not a big sweet potato guy. They’re fine, sure, if you’re into that sort of thing… But there’s a certain softness and sweetness that I’m just not stoked about when it comes to fries. Do I love me some sweet potato casserole when Thanksgiving rolls around? Yes. Am I ordering sweet potato fries over any other options for sides? Absolutely the fuck not.
6.) Steak-cut fries
Solid. Tried. Tested. True. Steak fries are great in certain situations where restaurants offer freshly cut potatoes, but more often than not we’re just getting big trapezoid-cut potatoes that are more like small baked potato slices than fries. Too inconsistent to make it any farther up the list if you ask me.
5.) Home fries
Home fries are unreal. I’m a big fan of well-done, extra crispy ones – but they’re not offered nearly enough to make them a contender for a top three spot. Home fries have their own place, but until they’re able to make some ground on other fry types’ markets, we’re gonna have to stick them in purgatory.
4.) Crinkle-cut fries
I have to admit, I hate that crinkle-cut is so uncommon nowadays. Burger King even had some low-cal fries for a bit that were crinkle-cut, and with a little extra salt I figured they’d be a lock for some of the best fries in the fast food world. Big fan. Nathan’s cheese fries come to mind when you think about crinkle-cut greatness, and to be honest I wanna go grab some right now… On to the rest of the list though.
3.) Waffle fries
Waffle fries are like one of the prime cuts of the potato. More “meat” per fry than any other one on this list. If you want bang for your buck, you’re going waffle fry, and that’s all there is to it. There’s only two above the waffle fry on this list, and I’ll explain why…
2.) Curly fries
Can curly fries talk their shit again? We’re talking about a tried, true, tested shape that has captivated the hearts, minds, and imaginations of trillions (and TRILLIONS) of french fry fans around the world. I have no idea who came up with the concept of the curly fry in the first place, but shout out to them. You smart. You loyal. You a genius.
1.) Shoestring fries
The GOAT. The Wayne Gretzky of French Fries. Shoestring “The Hitman” Fries. “The Immortal” Shoestring Fries. Thin, crispy, hot, delicious, perfect. There’s no way you can go wrong with shoestring fries unless you refuse to eat them at all. It’s really tough to fuck up shoestring fries, which is what makes them the most consistent in the game. Shoutout to you, shoestring fries. Keep being the greatest.
HONORABLE MENTIONS: Smiley Fries and Truffle Fries.
Truffle fries have toppings, so I had to disqualify them from the true power rankings, cause then I’d have to dive into the logistics of cheese fries and all that shit. And smiley fries are always gonna be god tier to me, but aren’t available widely enough in restaurants to get the credit they deserve. I still appreciate you though, smiley fries. Thanks for the memories.
So there you have it. The greatest french fries in the game, ordered appropriately with the most bias humanly possible. What are your favorite fries? Hit us up on Twitter at @WickedGoodGames and Instagram at @WickedGoodGaming.
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