If you remember a couple years back we got the wonderful news that “Blackout in a Can” aka Four Lokos were coming back. My PTSD from my high school days slamming 3 every other weekend for an entire summer prohibited me from cracking that can of woes back open. BUT NOW!!!! Now we have the resurgence of the WWE Ice Cream Bar. I’m not sure how significant this is to anyone born after 2000, but my inner fat child is truffle shuffling right now in excitement. All 6 feet, 200 lbs of 9 year old Bob is reminiscing of the good old days, playing street hockey and clearing for incoming CARS! Jerry the local ice cream truck driver would stop by every afternoon knowing our fat asses weren’t gunna pass his treats up (RIP Jerry), we were a fucking gold mine for that guy.
Lets put these new WWE Ice Cream Bars under the microscope and point out some clear design flaws. First of all where the fuck is the stick and the chocolate lining? I didn’t get 70% of the way to diabetes half assing my summer time afternoon delicacies. Technically this is just a dumbed down ice cream sandwich, it isn’t even a bar anymore. On top of that, the only confirmed wrestlers are Macho Man Randy Savage, good, and Roman Reigns??? Maybe I aged out of wrestling a while back but if i don’t see Hulkamania, Mankind, Jericho and Andre the Giant on these “bars”, I am a hard out. Maybe this is supposed to be some sign of good faith from the WWE after denying CM Punk his demands back in 2011 and the absolute shitshow that is WWE 2K20, but you got a lot of changing you need to win me back WWE. I will keep you all posted in case there are any more breaking updates and will keep some Lactaid pills on standby.