How To Score The Twitch Streamer of Your Dreams in Three Easy Steps

The year is 2020. And the internet is as powerful as it has ever been. You can open up Postmates and get anything delivered to your door step, get on eBay and make some extra coin selling things you don’t use anymore, or even dial up Tinder and get some ass. But.. what if I told you, you could find your dream (e)girl, in the comfort of your home? I know, it sounds ridiculous, but I’m serious. Fire up Twitch, and get the process started. I’m here today to show you how you’ll hook the egirl of your dreams, in 3 easy steps.

Donate Your Whole Paycheck to Them on Stream

I know what you’re thinking. Sounds a little excessive, no? Wrong. You have to go big or go home. Wait until that wire hits on a Friday, and just let it efly in the their stream. Show everyone in chat that you are rich, and a force to be reckoned with. Everyone will wonder, who the fuck is this guy? Even if you’re not rich, fake it until you make it. Send a few hundred with the caption “there’s more where that came from.” Even though you know you’re having sleep for dinner this week. Just seem like the boss you want to be. Donate for recognition, and not because you like the content that they are producing. And make sure you ask for their Snapchat or something just because you donated. Everyone knows that you are owed that for your generosity.

DM Them Until You Get Blocked On Every Social Media

A girl loves a man with who is persistent. If you get blocked, no big deal. Make another account, or use another social media. That will show them that you are for real about this, and that you are not a creep at all. She might even post your 36 rapid fire DM’s on her timeline to let the rest of her followers know that she is taken now after getting your wall of unanswered messages.

Be As Creepy As Possible (Final Step)

This is the one that will really get her. What girl wants to date a normal guy? I’ll answer that for you. None! Be as creepy as humanly possible. You have to stand out from the rest of the pack. Take every opportunity you can to compliment bobs (very important). When she gets up on stream, make sure you make sure you ask why she walks backwards when going out of frame. Ask those meaningful questions, it’ll show that you genuinely care.

And that’s it! You now just formed a meaningful relationship over the internet. All while seeming completely normal and not psychotic at all.

Disclaimer: This behavior is not cool. Stop being weird.