Welcome back to Mad Bells, folks. We’re a few weeks into ACNH’s Stalk Market, and we here at WGG Global Turnip Investors HQ are working tirelessly to make you some money during these uncertain times. Without further ado, let’s get right into it.
The Stalk Market Has CRASHED
The unthinkable has happened, folks, Animal Crossing: New Horizons’ Stalk Market is in absolute disarray. The reason why? Because – unbeknownst to most – Nook’s Cranny shuts down for expansion 30 days after it goes up. So, for the millions of players who bought ACNH on launch day (and lets say they opened up Nook’s Cranny around the same time), business is absolutely dead in the water today, and probably all over the place in general this week.
So what should you do? Panic? Cry? Scream? Kick your feet? Let your turnips rot? Absolutely the fuck not. We here at WGG MultiNational Turnip Advisors LLC (A Family Company) advise you to HOLD your turnips tight, and weather the storm. Keep in mind: you have until SATURDAY to sell your turnips, and something will come along before then to give you an opportunity to profit. Good vibes only, folks.
Meltdowns like this are happening all over Twitter. Luckily for you, you have us.
Dom – Rangoon Island
I usually don’t advise doing this, but I sold EARLY this week folks. The prices were high, and I struck while the iron was hot, cashing out to the tune of 5.4M Bells.
As you can see, I had a feeling that Timmy and Tommy would be closing up for business this week to remodel, and sold early. Call it a sixth sense, call it animal instincts, call it good old fashioned luck – but you sure can’t call me broke. Chris, how’d you do?
Chris – Pen Island
Dom is a sick bastard. My man making unfathomable amounts of bells while I’m here making a baby profit compared to him. This week I was busy, but I still had to get in the action. So I phoned my little sister on Sunday and asked her to scoop me up 100 turnips @ 99 bells. While she was hesitant, I let her know that I would pay her interest. Real stingy bitch. Finally she obliged.
I ended up cashing out early. Like really early. On Tuesday to be exact. For 589 bells per turnip. So I 5x’d my money, paid my sister her cut, and had her mail me my earnings. I now have employees. Hands free trading.
Stalk Market crash or no, we’re here to help you weather the storm folks. Stay smart, keep your eyes peeled at all times, and just remember – the Turnips are greener where you water them.