ST. CLOUD, Minn. (KMSP) – A 31-year-old St. Cloud man is facing assault charges after allegedly stabbing a 20-year-old man seven times over an argument during a Magic the Gathering card game early Friday morning, according to St. Cloud police.
Around 12:06 a.m., police responded to the 1200 block of St. Germain Street E on a report of a stabbing.
Elijia Dale Creech called 911, saying he stabbed a man at his apartment and he was dying.
Talk about ruining your Friday huh? Everything’s all well and good, you’re over your good buddy Elijia’s house, enjoying some Friday Night Magic in the comfort of your own home – what could be safer? Couple beers, couple cards, couple guys – just your run of the mill Fridaaaaaaaaaaaand you’re stabbed seven times. Holy fucking shit Elijia get a grip bro, was it really worth it? I mean not for nothing, I’ve wanted to stab my friends on multiple occasions too – but this is either totally bonkers or simply next level dedication to a VERY serious game.
Serious question: The victim here (who is still alive, by the way) has gotta be the Paul Pierce of Magic: The Gathering, right? Like imagine the next time he heads into his friendly local game store, looking like Jon Snow after he rose from the dead, seven stab wounds all over his face and neck because he was that good (or that frustrating) of a player. Is anybody fucking with this dude? Absolutely not. And that’s gotta make good ol’ Elijia the Ron Artest of this shit right? The MWP of MtG. Running up in the stands, assaulting the shit out of people for chirping you, straight off the rocker, 11 short of a dozen. Unreal. All I know is, the prison block where this dude ends up better not have any old Magic: The Gathering decks laying around, ’cause that’s a prison riot waiting to happen. Oh and you better not have any of Elijia’s favored weapon around either…
The discussion escalated and led to Creech hitting the man in the face with a rubber mallet and stabbing him seven times.
A RUBBER MALLET??? LOCK THIS GUY UP AND THROW AWAY THE KEY! Emergency crews had to take guy on the receiving end of this savagery to the hospital for “substantial but non-life threatening injuries”, and investigators later on realized this dude Elijia had a prior for “possession of an explosive with intent”. Sounds like a real stand-up guy.
All jokes aside, we’re glad the dude on the business end of this whole incident is gonna be okay. We hope he’s up and back to playing MtG soon.