screen-shot-2016-12-05-at-12-55-50-pm

“The Mummy” Apparently Is Getting Rebooted And It’s Missing One Little Thing

Posted on Posted in Previews

Couch murderer, big-time Scientology guy, and little-known actor Tom Cruise will be in Universal’s upcoming reboot of “The Mummy” (coming this Summer), and personally I’m stoked to see the return of one of my favorite on-screen heroes. Let’s experience the trailer together, shall we?

Okay so… Hey, Universal. Dom from Wicked Good Gaming here. Just a small question about your new reboot of “The Mummy”, if I may.

*Takes deep breath*

WHERE THE **FUCK** IS BRENDAN FRASER!!??

A group of military commandos bring an entombed mummy from the Egyptian deserts to London. However, the mummy awakens, reveals herself as an ancient queen whose destiny was taken from her, and unleashes chaos, bent on revenge. -Universal

I don’t see ANYTHING in this synopsis about THE GOAT Rick Motherfucking O’Connell being involved. How are you supposed to kill a mummy without him? Grass grows, birds fly, I drink on Mondays, and Brendan Fraser kills mummies. It’s the way of the world, it’s a law of nature. I know this is a reboot. But you mean to tell me Brendan Fraser wasn’t even available for a goddamn cameo? And don’t even get my started on how lackluster this flick’s leading lady is gonna be compared to Rachel “revolutionized looking good in black v-necks” Weisz. Aside from being a stone cold fox, she was an absolute badass in the original Mummy movies, and I couldn’t be more unenthused about seeing anyone try to fill her shoes. And Oded Fehr couldn’t get a phone call? You’re telling me he wasn’t around? Jesus Christ. Scrap the project now before I die of dissapointment.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go turn my TV to FX On-Demand because I KNOW they have The Mummy Returns on there.

God DAMN you Universal.

Go ahead and tell me I’m an asshat for loving The Mummy Returns as much as I do on Twitter at @WickedGoodGames.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *