Clash of the Millennium Begins As Church of Bigots Struggles For Control of Their Own Pokemon Gym

Earlier this week, a Pokemon Go trainer named Pinknose and her Clefairy named “Loveislove” made headlines when they captured a [Stupid Asshole Bigot Church’s] gym inside the game, making a pretty awesome statement against the infamous church whose name we’ve chosen to omit… And given their hateful rhetoric I wasn’t surprised to read this morning that they’re none too pleased with Loveislove the Clefairy occupying their gym.

“We try to speak whatever language is being spoken,” said [Supreme Moron Assface], an elder at the church… “Pokémon Go and sin no more. That’s what the lord Jesus Christ said,” he added. The church has gotten a mix of responses on social media, from those expressing support and criticizing it. One person challenged the group to a Pokemon battle… It was unclear at press time whether a Pokémon battle has ensued between the Clefairy and Jigglypuff.” -USA Today

First of all, I have no desire to give [Stupid Asshole Bigot Church] any more free publicity than they already have, because fuck them, but I’ve gotta be honest here – this is a laugh out loud funny news story. Like while other major news outlets are covering global crises, the presidential election, and other world issues – we’ve got USA Today covering the clash of the century, nay, the millennium, nay, the WILLENNIUM, Loveislove the Clefairy versus [Stupid Asshole Bigot Church’s] Jigglypuff. What a story. What a battle of two pink titans. Personally, I can’t wait for the ESPN 30 for 30 on this, and the subsequent Michael Bay dramatization starring Jake Gyllenhaal and Mark Wahlberg. The real question is, is [Stupid Asshole Bigot Church] gonna wimp out or are they gonna put their Poké-currency where their mouth is and battle this kid? Shit would be unreal. HBO is probably foaming at the mouth right now to make it a PPV event.

Sidenote: Much love and support to all our LGBTQ friends and readers. We got your back if you ever need a partner in a 2-on-2 Pokemon battle, beer pong, or a spotter on a bench press. #loveislove

Side-sidenote: What are the vegas odds here? We’re putting the kids’ college funds on Loveislove right? You wanna talk all-time locks? Loveislove in a rout.

Side-side-sidenote: Once again, we have no desire to give [Stupid Asshole Bigot Church] any more free publicity than they already have, but this article was too hilarious not to comment on. It’s still fuck those whackjobs, though.

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Papa Dom

Dom is WGG's lead blogger and graphic designer. He also co-hosts and produces Not Another Gaming Podcast, and has been writing about video games on the internet since 2010. When not delivering some of the most electrifying introductions in podcast history, you can find him drinking outdoors at a brewery with his dog, Miller.

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