I Can’t Help But Respect Billy Mitchell Letting His Nuts Hang All Over My Twitter Timeline

Here I am, over here trying to nurse a hangover and grind out some Destiny quests. I don’t have the wherewithal for either, currently, and I’m feeling a little low as it is.

So what should I see float across my Twitter TL right as I’m at my absolute FLOOR for the weekend? Billy Mitchell, hanging dong all over the joint, of course.

Billy Mitchell, so hot right now. Billy Mitchell.

In case you don’t know him, Billy Mitchell was literally described by the Oxford American Magazine as “probably the greatest arcade video game player of all time”. He’s set a ton of records in classic arcade games, but the betas at Twin Galaxies and Guinness World Records stripped Billy of his titles and records since apparently they happened on a Donkey Kong arcade circuit board that was not an original [wet fart noise].

Stripped records? Attempts at assassination of character? Does it looks like Billy Mitchell gives a baker’s fuck? Absolutely not. Y’know why? Because Billy Mitchell always has a plan.

I’m feeling inspired, Billy. I’m powering through this hangover, pulling myself outta this rut, and I’m gonna go drink again today. Thanks for the pep talk I never knew I needed.

The King of Kong indeed.