This week, Burger King announced its newest insane science experiment: deep-fried sticks of mac and cheese, crusted over with Cheetos breading. Let me just get this out of the way now and say that I will 100% AT LEAST try these once (for $2.50, I’ll pretty much eat anything), but only with no less than 52 beers in me.
“Mac ’n Cheetos”, essentially 310 calorie Cheeto-Crusted mozzarella sticks, is the newest chapter in an unholy alliance between fast food companies and Frito-Lay, the last of which resulted in Taco Bell’s Doritos tacos back in 2012. In an age where fast food places are selling hot dogs, chicken fry rings, burritos, and all types of other crazy shit that you should probably purchase elsewhere (or maybe not at all), I am hardly surprised at this.
My question about this is – what ring of hell did Burger King get this idea from? What plane of torment did the Burger King executives or Research and Development team have to travel to in order to consider this a rational thought? You mean to tell me that the necromancers at BK headquarters didn’t come into contact with the legions of Satan himself to scrape together this idea? I’m not convinced. Did Bobby Kotick tell them to do this? This idea is just like Cersei and Qyburn unleashing the Wildfire (except, picture that scene happening in your bowels), this idea is worse than the Super Mario Bros movie. This shit is crazy. I gotta go light a candle at Saint Anthony’s church in Revere for all the people who will inevitably perish while trying these things.
That being said, I’ll probably still try these at least once (because I’m actually a piece of garbage either way) so look out for the taste test coming soon if I don’t end up in the morgue.